Barge vs. Skum

Note: This story was written in a single sitting, drunk on Mike's hard lemonade. It is essentially a scrap, submitted only because others have nevertheless enjoyed it. It has no connection to any other story and can be enjoyed on its own.

Barge stepped from stone to algae-covered stone, cautiously making as little noise as possible so as not to alert the cavern's potential denizens. He had heard stories of a rare and mysterious plant that, if used in an alchemical elixir, doubled a man's strength. To a six and a half foot tall man with almost three hundred pounds of solid muscle, this was quite an increase. So much so, that he felt the need to risk his life to find it. According to the legends, the tiny, ghost-white plant could be found in the darkest reaches of this very cavern.

The dim light, provided by diminutive glowing fungi, facilitated his stealth. The only sounds he could hear were the near-silent dripping of water and the creaking of the heavy leather of his boots. He moved ahead, his massive, nearly naked body filling the tunnel with his presence. He wished he had better protection than his leather loincloth, but metal armor would only make his presence more obvious, and he had little knowledge of what monsters lived in the dark he found himself in. The spiked metal helmet that scraped against his shaved head, however, was a necessity in his mind.

Suddenly, a horrid croak and grunt echoed through the winding tunnel from ahead. Barge's mighty fists tightened around his axe's handle in response, causing the leather gauntlets to crunkle and creak. His heart sped up, but his resolve was strong. Bravely, Barge sneaked on, placed his back against the jagged stone, and peeked around the corner. Illuminated by the dim blue light, a human-like being was approaching through the tunnel. Webs of light-colored veins stretched across its thick, dark green muscles. It had a wide, amphibious mouth, small, red eyes, and shimmered with slime. Barge noticed that it also seemed to have a fin that began on the top of its head and extended to its tail.

After only a brief moment of analysis, Barge hid with his back to the wall. He strengthened his grip on his axe, and waited for the creature to wander into range. He trained his ears to the wet slap of its feet on the stone. Seconds now. He squatted slightly so the axe would be at the height of its neck. He held his breath as it gurgled, only feet away. He waited a few extra moments and poured his power into a single, decisive blow. The axe blade swung through the air, powered by the vicious barbarian's frightful strength, and buried itself into the stone wall. Barge discovered that the monster had crouched, narrowly dodging his attack. Its beady red eyes stared up at him with hatred.

The freakish creature lunged at the warrior before he could react. The sudden strike toppled him, sending his heavy body to the floor with a thud. The monster wasted no time in its assault, drilling its powerful, slimy fists into Barge's unprotected stomach, sending a wet pounding like a butcher tenderizing a slab of meat resounding through the cavern. The barbarian held his arms up to block the creature's attacks, but it was faster than he expected. The heavy amphibian hammered Barge's thick pecs with all of its might, hissing angrily with an alien sound. The screaming pain in Barge's ribs as the monster clobbered the air from his lungs made it quite obvious that the creature sought to kill the intruder.

Barge managed to grip the monster's left arm at the bicep, and used this leverage to throw the creature off of him. It was violent, but he was stronger. In a match of muscle, Barge was certain he would emerge victorious. The monster snorted as it struck the stone. It hissed in anger and fear as Barge mounted it, drilling his own meaty fists into its skull. The monster grabbed and clawed at him, painting his herculean physique with scarlet lines. He ignored the pain and struck his opponent without mercy. The overpowered beast flailed helplessly, its struggles becoming weaker and more confused. With one final, heroic blow, Barge punched the monster's head, which snapped violently to the side. The monster's twisted muscles spasmed, then instantly fell limp with a slimy smack.

The adventurer took the time to catch his breath, still sitting on the freak's cold, wet stomach. He wiped the blood from his gauntlets onto his loincloth, then admired his massive muscles. He was rather proud of himself for defeating a monster with his bare hands. Not only did he not mind the cuts and scrapes that marred his body, he hoped they would scar. Barge rose to his feet, then made his way to the axe that still projected awkwardly from the wall. He stretched his arms over his head as he walked, nearly strutting, to his weapon.

Icy, muscular arms suddenly wrapped themselves around his body, just below his shield-like pecs. The monster growled as it lifted the barbarian up into the air. Barge gasped and squirmed, struggling to free himself as the monster began to squeeze him. The freakish creature was stronger than Barge had anticipated, and he winced as the bear-like grip crushed his body. He thrashed around, choking and gagging, desperately trying to break the beast's murderous clutches.

With a three hundred pound muscleman thrashing in its arms like an enraged bronco, the monster found it difficult to keep control. It stumbled around the tunnel, and nearly fell over. It was intent on keeping the hold, however, until the intruder no longer lived. The beast hissed with anticipation as it felt his rock-like abs begin to give in. Before it could finish crushing its victim, however, Barge kicked the wall, knocking the two back and sending them tumbling through a side tunnel into the rocky dark.

Both of the musclebound fighters slid to a stop in frigid, watery mud several feet from each other. Barge shivered as the cold soaked into his skin. He quickly stood up and coughed, feeling rejuvenated now that he could breathe freely. His energetic cheer was short lived, however, since the creature also climbed to its alien, webbed feet. It glared at Barge and gurgled, puffing up and flexing its gnarled muscles like a threatened animal. Barge simply snarled in response and flexed his own beef. His veins bulged. He was noticeably taller and more muscular than the monster, as well as stronger, a fact that he hoped to make it realize before he conquered and killed it.

The mountain of barbaric muscle roared, and charged across the muddy chamber at his opponent. The beast met his charge, and the two became locked in a struggle against each other. Their feet slipped in the mud and the two muscled each other to their knees. Despite its straining and snorting, the monster began to lean backward as Barge out-muscled it. Barge grinned. With surprising speed, he threw the monster to the dirt, grabbed it by the throat and thigh, and hoisted it up over his head like a trophy. The beast wriggled, shocked by the barbarian's display of power.

The warrior groaned and strained as the beast slapped at his helmet. He slipped in the chilly goop a few times, but managed to climb to his feet still holding the monster above his head, his biceps bulging with the effort. Barge violently heaved his opponent through the air, slamming it against the stone wall with a wet smack and sending it tumbling to the ground like a ragdoll. The slimy monster sprawled face-down in the mud, spasming in pain.

Barge swaggered towards his victim. He placed his massive paws on either side of its head and drug it to its knees. It hissed and resisted, but it was in too much pain, and Barge was clearly too strong for it. When it had assumed the proper position, he proceeded to beat his leather-bound fist against its head, feeling its skull deform slightly from the force. He bludgeoned it again and again, back and forth, dizzying the creature. It flailed, but its struggles seemed too disorganized to be a threat. Suddenly, in desperation, the beast's webbed fist powered straight between the barbarian's legs, smashing his sensitive manhood and doubling him over in pain. Barge gasped breathlessly as his muscles seized uncontrollably.

A clang of metal and rock later and Barge found himself laying on the floor of the cave, clutching his injured pride. He scrambled to get up, but the slippery ground and the dizziness from the strike against his head made this difficult. Dark mud covered his masculine physique, and to the monster, Barge looked like he was made of stone, like a statue of a god. The dent in the side of his helmet, roughly the same size and shape as the rock the monster promptly dropped from its grip, was the only thing that marred his heroic appearance.

Barge managed to claw to all fours, but quivered shakily. Before he could clear his head and stand up, however, a muddy weight slapped onto his back and a cold, vascular arm closed around his neck. The monster's bicep flexed menacingly, crushing his windpipe in the crux of its elbow. Barge was dizzy, but not so disoriented to not realize the deadly hold he found himself in. Barge grabbed the beast's arm to pull it away, but it was locked tight and as hard as a rock. His fingers slipped over its slimy, muddy skin, acheiving little. The muscleman clambered clumsily to his feet with the monster hanging from his back. It quickly wrapped its finned legs around his waist, securing its hold. The barbarian thrashed, gagging and coughing, trying to throw it off, but it simply hissed quietly in his ear and tightened its grip. His pounding head felt like it was going to explode from the pressure building up inside.

A gurgled roar signaled Barge's attack. The muscleman slammed his back against the rough stone and crushed the beast between himself and the jagged rock, eliciting an angry croak. The creature managed to maintain its vicious chokehold, however. Worried, Barge repeated the motion as fast and as hard as he could. His body was beginning to panic from the lack of fresh air. The beast yelped and growled, and he felt its grip slip, but it managed to stay attached like a vicious leech.

The wet mud suddenly shifted beneath Barge, causing the muscleman to lose what little balance he had and crash unceremoniously to the ground. Barge dropped on his ass as the cold mud slid beneath his loincloth, making the position even more uncomfortable. The slimy freak promptly jerked him against the wall and re-secured its arm around the human's thick neck. The barbarian grabbed and squeezed the monster's arms in an air-hungry panic, desperate to find an opening. He kicked and flailed, causing his boots to carve deep rusts in the ground, while his muscular back arched as he bucked and twisted. The fight was silent save for the slap and plop of muscle and mud, along with the occasional grunt or snort that escaped from his closed airway.

Barge strained to roll to one side or another, but the monster's powerful legs and the poor friction kept him securely in place. He clawed the creature's shoulders and rounded skull as his bloodshot eyes began bulging out of his head, which was now a fiery shade of red. His tongue flopped out of his mouth as he gagged and wheezed. To add injury and pain to the already agonizing hold, the dark-skinned freak violently thrashed him side to side, but Barge simply flailed and grasped at the muscled monster cutting off his air supply. He pulled violently at the beast's thick bicep, but it was locked tightly under his chin. His body breathed as a reflex, making his abs flex rhythmically, but he failed to get any air. His huge heart pounded like a wardrum, a rhythm the beast could feel through Barge's bull neck.

The monster pressed the webbed fingers of its free hand onto the back of the cold metal helmet, adding even more pressure to an already devastating move. It hissed happily and sniffed the air while a smell of wet, cold earth mixed with a faint hint of mammalian sweat wafted into its nose slits. Unable to escape the stranglehold,  Barge began to fade. His struggles became weak and disorganized stroking and squeezing of the monster's sinewy arm, amounting to little more than muscle worship. His eyes rolled to the back of his deep purple head and his tongue hung limply from his mouth, which opened and closed like that of a fish out of water. Deprived of air for too long, Barge's monstrous muscles seized as he slipped into unconsciousness.

After a few torturous moments of unconscious spasms and muffled gurgles, the sweaty mountain of savagery and muscle relaxed, and fell limp like a child's doll. The beast felt the muscleman shudder briefly one last time before pounding beneath Barge's shield-like pecs faded into silence. Only the distant dripping of water pierced the stillness that fell over the warriors. After a few moments, the monster quietly removed its arm from Barge's throat and sat still, admiring its work. It allowed the savage's impressive bulk to lay against it, his helmeted head hanging lifelessly on its hunter-green shoulder. Its muddy fingers squeezed Barge's biceps, which it was amazed to find were like tree trunks even when limp. His pecs were like boulders. Most importantly, his powerful chest and chiseled gut deflated, releasing his final, prolonged breath, and rose no more. Barge was dead.

The beast rolled its warm-blooded conquest off of it, then stood. It rubbed its wounded and swollen back and face, but nothing felt broken. Confident the fight had been a total victory, the creature chirped cheerfully and grabbed the larger man's thick, vascular arms. It then began the long trek through the tunnels to its den, dragging the strangled slab of muscle behind it.

The monster would eat well tonight.

2 comments:

  1. I liked this story best. Wish there were illustrations!

    Hope you are going to keep posting.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I come back to this every so often, love this story. Hope you're well bud.

    ReplyDelete